So I set off to do just that.

I selfishly went after the things that I wanted in life.  I got a job, found a wife, had kids, moved to Canada.

Everything just came together.  I am to the point where I believed that I have consumed so much from society.  It is absolutely time to give back.

It's weird but looking back on my past posts... I think I was more intelligent then.  Hanging with the new baby has changed me.

Things are getting easier.  I am making my life more simple.  I am beginning to like simple.  Before I thought that it was my role in life to solve complex problems.  Not my own problems, those are too easy, but other peoples problems.  Programming, talking, lifting heavy objects, saving people from complexities.

It does not make me happy anymore for some reason, mainly because my own life hasn't progressed like I would have liked it to at this point... (I mean to be honest I am only missing out on a motorcycle and climbing achievements and my own place.)  I really think that it was just ingrained into me at a young age.  In fact I can remember times where I did not want to help move some random extended families furniture.  I was brow beat and yelled at until I did it.

It's just been so conditioned into me, but part of me just does want to help others out for the sake of helping others out.  This is the confusing part.  I guess all I can do is just do what I feel is right.  I used to think everything I did felt right.  Until I saw the negative effect I was having on others.  Boy more and more I'm starting to realize... it doesn't matter where you come from, but people that focus on their own interests selfishly, tend to have a good thing going.

I don't even know why I am going over this.  I know though that I could be of great use to a lot of people if I would just follow my passions.  Follow my dreams.  Not let anyone get in the way of that.  Not love, not friendship... nothing.  I am tired to trying to be good.  It has not got me anywhere.  In fact it has done more harm to me in my life.

Why I am not good with blogging.

There comes a time in a mans life where he realizes he is not a man.  He is an impostor... an empty shell of an individual.  The identity of what a man is or is not is not clear to him.  Constantly bombarded with information on what people expect, what people want.  Choices upon choices.  Opinion after opinion.  Sets one into a state of paralysis.

What do I write about?  What do I care.  There are no words on this blog because there are no words that have been chosen.  All I could do was be angry and not even know why.  I thought, its the way people express themselves.  So much injustice, so much needs to be fixed.  Nuts!

There is no reason for this.  There is no reason for anything.

I have to make a reason for something.  I make reason happen.

What was I thinking

So in the middle of college I decided to buy into the bullshit in the media about people being too plugged in. I stopped irc/im's/social everything. I missed the whole twitter thing and even thought that it was just too lame.

Recently, since graduating and waiting to work... I became plugged in. Wow I missed it. When I have absolutely nothing to do, I reconnect with everyone, listen to interesting stories, click shared links, argue and discuss some would say lecture. While at the same time doing research for personal projects, figuring out relationship questions, planning lifetime goals and short term goals.

The downside, I think I am getting pale and I have acquired an addiction to caffeine.

Every day the possibilities continue to expand. I am starting to actually feel a little bit of freedom at the age of 27.

Glad to be an American.