Things are getting easier.  I am making my life more simple.  I am beginning to like simple.  Before I thought that it was my role in life to solve complex problems.  Not my own problems, those are too easy, but other peoples problems.  Programming, talking, lifting heavy objects, saving people from complexities.

It does not make me happy anymore for some reason, mainly because my own life hasn't progressed like I would have liked it to at this point... (I mean to be honest I am only missing out on a motorcycle and climbing achievements and my own place.)  I really think that it was just ingrained into me at a young age.  In fact I can remember times where I did not want to help move some random extended families furniture.  I was brow beat and yelled at until I did it.

It's just been so conditioned into me, but part of me just does want to help others out for the sake of helping others out.  This is the confusing part.  I guess all I can do is just do what I feel is right.  I used to think everything I did felt right.  Until I saw the negative effect I was having on others.  Boy more and more I'm starting to realize... it doesn't matter where you come from, but people that focus on their own interests selfishly, tend to have a good thing going.

I don't even know why I am going over this.  I know though that I could be of great use to a lot of people if I would just follow my passions.  Follow my dreams.  Not let anyone get in the way of that.  Not love, not friendship... nothing.  I am tired to trying to be good.  It has not got me anywhere.  In fact it has done more harm to me in my life.